weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
