Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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