I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
