My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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