He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize