Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
And then he peed in my hair
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