So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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