we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
