I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize