; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
