btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i've created a new STD.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
