Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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