So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
