so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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