Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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