what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
