Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
