I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
