At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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