hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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