No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
