we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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