At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
