Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
