I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
