sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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