make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.