if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.