please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it