i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
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Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.