her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
