are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
