We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
