U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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