His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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