the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
