we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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