Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i was born a porn star she said
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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