What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
