I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
