This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
