beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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