Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
