Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
