the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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