I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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