Porn is love you can see.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
