Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
