i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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