I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
