I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
