You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
