I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
