I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
