omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
