You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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