Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
