The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
