you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Text me some of your sweat
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
