This is not my ceiling
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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