ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
