At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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