I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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