so explain again why im purple
no
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
