I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
