it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
