i permit you to call me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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