My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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