my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
