OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
