you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
