I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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