I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
