You're my little dorito
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
