Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
