Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
